35 Comments

As a mayo lover, I will reach across the aisle and shake the hand of the boyfriend who wrote this hilarious, hilarious screed against "ghost snot."

Expand full comment

Amen. Mayonnaise is the condiment of the devil. I couldn't agree with you more, Michael!

Expand full comment

Ghost snot: excellent. There's a shop in London that sells jars of human snot. Don't believe me? Check this out: https://flic.kr/p/nt4obW Or perhaps M would prefer their Blood and Guts Chutney? Brilliant post.

Expand full comment

Ghost snot. Lol. My brother couldn’t handle mustard. Not the taste, not the smell. Inevitably, with every new friend group, word would whisper out, sometimes sad to admit, by me the older, kind, and loving brother and someone would ring a beer bottle rim with a slather of the stuff and hand it to him, saying, got it for you, ice cold like you love it. And then laugh as he puked everywhere.

Expand full comment
Feb 2·edited Feb 2Liked by Alicia Kenworthy

“Creole mustard is the new Mayo! So let’s be stylish. - Dressed, with no Mayo please!” That old gunk is too fattening and slimy to even slather within a fried oyster po-boy! No remoulade, no hollandaise could remotely pull an equal gag reflex with a mere thought. I’ve always looked at it questionably wondering if it were a similar substance to what is left behind when a slug crosses a salt barrier near a doorway. Ghost snot, agreed! Plllckkhhhh!

Expand full comment

My skin crawls just reading this post. Putting mayonnaise on food should be considered a War Crime by The Hague.

Expand full comment

Omg yes. I don’t like condiments at all. Mustard and ketchup (and, while we’re at it, pickles) will ruin a plate for me. And even if it’s not in my food, no one’s careful about foods touching. The worst meal is one where the last bite is tainted by someone else’s gross food juice.

Expand full comment

from a fellow mayo-hater, huzzah!

Expand full comment