I like the randomness of your brain! Also how autobiographical content can be woven into a larger narrative. I admire you for these qualities of spontaneity and yet clearly well-crafted content.
Alicia, I loved this, and the way you wove the two topics together. Must read again! It seems that you could write a story based in part on your experience at Nordstrom; so many evocative elements there, not least in the emotional realm of mind-body consonance and dissonance. And, I must read more Grace Paley, wow! Thanks so much!!
Thank you so much for reading, David! That means a lot -- and, yes, now you're giving me ideas! Lots to work with here in a fictional setting. Do absolutely read Paley. To be honest, I've barely made it past the first three stories in "Collected Stories"; I'm so blown away by the language that I keep going back and re-reading them, like you would play a favorite song on repeat. She's one of a kind.
The Nordstrom experience sounds PERFECT for a writer. What better way to discover the complexities/absurdities of human beings? I’m wondering: As a woman in 2022: How do you feel about the dissolution of the concept of/meaning inherent in the word/idea ‘woman’? In other words, not to sound like Matt Walsh but: What, exactly, IS a woman today? Not trying to get you into hot water...but I’m genuinely curious. In a time when men can be pregnant and biological men are competing in women’s sports more and more (and sometimes even going to women’s prisons): What does being a woman mean? For a long time women have said male doctors shouldn’t decide their abortion issues. I agree. But what happens when biological male doctors start identifying as women? If this all seems ridiculous: Certainly you must see that this is already to some degree happening and is also in the near future going to increase. (Not necessarily male doctors identifying as women but the general trend.)
I agree wholeheartedly a la your frustration with abortion restrictions. I’m 100% pro-choice. Seems obvious. I’m also a classical liberal democrat.
You don't want to get me in hot water -- ha!! :: wipes sweat from brow ::
Honestly, I have so many conflicting feelings on this topic. It's one of those hot-button issues I'm quietly observing and thinking through. I very much consider myself a humanist. I also have people I care about deeply -- along with people I admire and try to learn from in the public sphere -- who are trans. I am 100% supportive of any individual's right to happiness, respect, self-determination and proper medical care.
The idea of separate spaces has never particularly bothered me. I'm someone who spends a lot of time in Europe, where bathrooms are often unisex. I do tend to think people use examples like the "man in the women's bathroom" to fear monger and that doesn't sit right with me.
By the same token, I do think women have a valid and equal right to feel safe in various settings, and there are places where you can't so easily discount the role of biology and hormones.
I'd be lying if the language creep didn't bother me. I do think words matter and it bothers me when "woman" doesn't figure into a sentence at all. (e.g. "people with uteruses" as opposed to saying "women and transmen.") I also feel passionately about how broken our appreciation for, and understanding of, women's sexuality is in American culture.
Let me draft an essay on the topic and get back to you in a few years. ;)
Alicia, I sense a similar trepidation in being able to speak your mind and heart that I'm seeing and hearing in so many women who write online. This: "You don't want to get me in hot water." We should not have to worry about speaking our minds about who we are. Your reply is so considerate.
I'm 100% with you about the language. This trend of questioning what a "woman" is these days is also concerning to me personally. A woman isn't simply a person with a uterus. Or whatever female body parts. That has the (intended?) effect of reducing us to body parts—reproductive body parts. There is an innate beauty and sensibility to being a woman, and an innate beauty and sensibility to being a man. Reducing the concept of woman and man to body parts dehumanizes us all—regardless of our gender identity.
Yes, Birgitte And women who have had to undergo hysterectomies. Who/what are they then? "Reducing the concept of woman and man to body parts dehumanizes us all—regardless of our gender identity. " Period.
My first read of yours, and I'll be back!!! Great essay. I've had a post playing in the outskirts of my mind that hopefully one day I'll finish about wanting a "brassiere" when I was five. 💜
Thank you so much, Sue! Great to connect with you here. Too cute. I'd love to read that post -- please write it! Reminds me of being that age and wanting homework. If I'd only known to relish the freedom I had!
I'm now back in NY, where I'm from, but I'm an F-cup who bought her bras at Nordstrom during the 30 years I lived in SF. Terrific essay! Also: Grace Paley!!
What a small world!! I only lived in San Francisco for about four years after college but had so many formative experiences there (including my first legit bra fitting at that same Nordstrom. F-cup here too!) And yesssssss Grace Paley!! There's a pretty amazing New Yorker. :)
I, of course, own the collected stories of Grace Paley and loved her from the get-go--the poems two. Most anthologized, I suspect, is "A Conversation With My Father"-- and I often use it when teaching creative writing. "Distance," admittedly I didn't reread it to write this comment--so do tell me, I used to use this story as an example of the use of the unreliable narrator ??? Need to re-read. Now to my favorite in the collection: "Friends" -- I adore this story. Once I briefly met Paley at a reading, bare attendance to my horror--so I do have a signed copy of the collected short stories. She got the usual questions from the spare audience: "How do I become a writer?" Her answer, "Keep your day job." Gotta love her.
Oh Mary, I am so jealous you got to meet Grace Paley briefly! She sounds wonderful. Bare attendance. The people didn't know what they were missing. I adore "Friends" too. I don't think I've actually read "Distance" yet but now you have me curious! I love a good unreliable narrator.
LOL! I believe it. I still remember feeling traumatized when my grandmother would bring me with her into the intimate apparel department as a little girl.
It took me awhile to get to it, but I just finished the 30-minute interview you did with Michael Spencer. I completely agree with you about diary-like blogs. People are clearly drawn to specific stories, but yet, we keep asking, “What’s the point of this?” or “Why would anyone want to read about me? Who am I?” I see this a lot with memoir, too. I ask myself these questions every time I interject my life into my newsletter, but I do it, anyway, because I don’t know how to write any other way.
Also, a few years ago, I got to know a French woman who came to my writers’ group. She planned on writing only in English. When I asked her why, she told me it was because she felt that English was a far more precise language than French. I’ve always been perplexed by this, knowing how much great literature and philosophy has been written in French. What do you think of this?
Thank you so much for watching!! It’s so true re: injecting our life stories. I guess maybe we all have some kind of inherent curiosity about other peoples’ lives and their experience of being human. :)
That’s a great question re: French. I’ve been thinking about it over my past few days of terrible French wifi, ha. I think English is a more precise language, but French feels more emotional to me, maybe precisely because words pack that much more nuance and room for interpretation? It often takes more words to say the same thing, which maybe makes it a musical and rhythmic and luxurious language as well, one filled with subtext and double entendre. I totally understand someone preferring English for a business context. Maybe when it comes to creative writing, there’s satisfaction in finding *the* word to describe a certain thought or feeling.
Sometimes I find writing in French easier, precisely because I don’t get hung up on finding an exact word. But that’s also a function of it being my non-native language.
I’m actually working on a memoir-esque project that I started in English and I’m now switching over to French for that reason! Less writer’s block.
Wow, that's fascinating about French. It kind of makes me wonder how often our native language isn't ideal for how we think. Good luck on your project. I'd say that I'm looking forward to reading it, but I don't know French.
I like the randomness of your brain! Also how autobiographical content can be woven into a larger narrative. I admire you for these qualities of spontaneity and yet clearly well-crafted content.
Thank you so much, Michael! That is kind of my brain’s default setting, I think, to take a person experience and work outward. Hm!
Alicia, I loved this, and the way you wove the two topics together. Must read again! It seems that you could write a story based in part on your experience at Nordstrom; so many evocative elements there, not least in the emotional realm of mind-body consonance and dissonance. And, I must read more Grace Paley, wow! Thanks so much!!
Thank you so much for reading, David! That means a lot -- and, yes, now you're giving me ideas! Lots to work with here in a fictional setting. Do absolutely read Paley. To be honest, I've barely made it past the first three stories in "Collected Stories"; I'm so blown away by the language that I keep going back and re-reading them, like you would play a favorite song on repeat. She's one of a kind.
The Nordstrom experience sounds PERFECT for a writer. What better way to discover the complexities/absurdities of human beings? I’m wondering: As a woman in 2022: How do you feel about the dissolution of the concept of/meaning inherent in the word/idea ‘woman’? In other words, not to sound like Matt Walsh but: What, exactly, IS a woman today? Not trying to get you into hot water...but I’m genuinely curious. In a time when men can be pregnant and biological men are competing in women’s sports more and more (and sometimes even going to women’s prisons): What does being a woman mean? For a long time women have said male doctors shouldn’t decide their abortion issues. I agree. But what happens when biological male doctors start identifying as women? If this all seems ridiculous: Certainly you must see that this is already to some degree happening and is also in the near future going to increase. (Not necessarily male doctors identifying as women but the general trend.)
I agree wholeheartedly a la your frustration with abortion restrictions. I’m 100% pro-choice. Seems obvious. I’m also a classical liberal democrat.
Michael Mohr
‘Sincere American Writing’
https://michaelmohr.substack.com/
You don't want to get me in hot water -- ha!! :: wipes sweat from brow ::
Honestly, I have so many conflicting feelings on this topic. It's one of those hot-button issues I'm quietly observing and thinking through. I very much consider myself a humanist. I also have people I care about deeply -- along with people I admire and try to learn from in the public sphere -- who are trans. I am 100% supportive of any individual's right to happiness, respect, self-determination and proper medical care.
The idea of separate spaces has never particularly bothered me. I'm someone who spends a lot of time in Europe, where bathrooms are often unisex. I do tend to think people use examples like the "man in the women's bathroom" to fear monger and that doesn't sit right with me.
By the same token, I do think women have a valid and equal right to feel safe in various settings, and there are places where you can't so easily discount the role of biology and hormones.
I'd be lying if the language creep didn't bother me. I do think words matter and it bothers me when "woman" doesn't figure into a sentence at all. (e.g. "people with uteruses" as opposed to saying "women and transmen.") I also feel passionately about how broken our appreciation for, and understanding of, women's sexuality is in American culture.
Let me draft an essay on the topic and get back to you in a few years. ;)
Alicia, I sense a similar trepidation in being able to speak your mind and heart that I'm seeing and hearing in so many women who write online. This: "You don't want to get me in hot water." We should not have to worry about speaking our minds about who we are. Your reply is so considerate.
I'm 100% with you about the language. This trend of questioning what a "woman" is these days is also concerning to me personally. A woman isn't simply a person with a uterus. Or whatever female body parts. That has the (intended?) effect of reducing us to body parts—reproductive body parts. There is an innate beauty and sensibility to being a woman, and an innate beauty and sensibility to being a man. Reducing the concept of woman and man to body parts dehumanizes us all—regardless of our gender identity.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment, Birgitte. It really is the simple reduction to body parts that I find so off-putting and dehumanizing.
Yes, Birgitte And women who have had to undergo hysterectomies. Who/what are they then? "Reducing the concept of woman and man to body parts dehumanizes us all—regardless of our gender identity. " Period.
Fun and serious at the same time; that’s an art
❤️
My first read of yours, and I'll be back!!! Great essay. I've had a post playing in the outskirts of my mind that hopefully one day I'll finish about wanting a "brassiere" when I was five. 💜
Thank you so much, Sue! Great to connect with you here. Too cute. I'd love to read that post -- please write it! Reminds me of being that age and wanting homework. If I'd only known to relish the freedom I had!
I will surely write it soon. It's been on the board for quite some time.
And yes, we often learn our lessons after the fact. Looking forward to connecting with you going forward! 💜
I'm now back in NY, where I'm from, but I'm an F-cup who bought her bras at Nordstrom during the 30 years I lived in SF. Terrific essay! Also: Grace Paley!!
What a small world!! I only lived in San Francisco for about four years after college but had so many formative experiences there (including my first legit bra fitting at that same Nordstrom. F-cup here too!) And yesssssss Grace Paley!! There's a pretty amazing New Yorker. :)
I, of course, own the collected stories of Grace Paley and loved her from the get-go--the poems two. Most anthologized, I suspect, is "A Conversation With My Father"-- and I often use it when teaching creative writing. "Distance," admittedly I didn't reread it to write this comment--so do tell me, I used to use this story as an example of the use of the unreliable narrator ??? Need to re-read. Now to my favorite in the collection: "Friends" -- I adore this story. Once I briefly met Paley at a reading, bare attendance to my horror--so I do have a signed copy of the collected short stories. She got the usual questions from the spare audience: "How do I become a writer?" Her answer, "Keep your day job." Gotta love her.
Oh Mary, I am so jealous you got to meet Grace Paley briefly! She sounds wonderful. Bare attendance. The people didn't know what they were missing. I adore "Friends" too. I don't think I've actually read "Distance" yet but now you have me curious! I love a good unreliable narrator.
I had to buy a bra for my mother-in-law once and it was the worst moment of my life.
LOL! I believe it. I still remember feeling traumatized when my grandmother would bring me with her into the intimate apparel department as a little girl.
At least you REMEMBER being traumatised, Alicia. I still am!
LOL! Touché
🤣
Sounds reasonable, fair and rational to me!
It took me awhile to get to it, but I just finished the 30-minute interview you did with Michael Spencer. I completely agree with you about diary-like blogs. People are clearly drawn to specific stories, but yet, we keep asking, “What’s the point of this?” or “Why would anyone want to read about me? Who am I?” I see this a lot with memoir, too. I ask myself these questions every time I interject my life into my newsletter, but I do it, anyway, because I don’t know how to write any other way.
Also, a few years ago, I got to know a French woman who came to my writers’ group. She planned on writing only in English. When I asked her why, she told me it was because she felt that English was a far more precise language than French. I’ve always been perplexed by this, knowing how much great literature and philosophy has been written in French. What do you think of this?
Thank you so much for watching!! It’s so true re: injecting our life stories. I guess maybe we all have some kind of inherent curiosity about other peoples’ lives and their experience of being human. :)
That’s a great question re: French. I’ve been thinking about it over my past few days of terrible French wifi, ha. I think English is a more precise language, but French feels more emotional to me, maybe precisely because words pack that much more nuance and room for interpretation? It often takes more words to say the same thing, which maybe makes it a musical and rhythmic and luxurious language as well, one filled with subtext and double entendre. I totally understand someone preferring English for a business context. Maybe when it comes to creative writing, there’s satisfaction in finding *the* word to describe a certain thought or feeling.
Sometimes I find writing in French easier, precisely because I don’t get hung up on finding an exact word. But that’s also a function of it being my non-native language.
I’m actually working on a memoir-esque project that I started in English and I’m now switching over to French for that reason! Less writer’s block.
Wow, that's fascinating about French. It kind of makes me wonder how often our native language isn't ideal for how we think. Good luck on your project. I'd say that I'm looking forward to reading it, but I don't know French.
hahaha. WTF, bra, is a perfectly valid reaction :)