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Mar 4, 2023Liked by Alicia Kenworthy

That was beautiful! Will be rewatching it soon:)

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I think what you're describing about friendship applies to life more broadly. Meaning, the goal isn't to be happy -- a fleeting emotion -- but rather content.

I'm happy when I go to a sporting event with a lifelong friend. But I'm content, fulfilled, while hanging out afterwards, talking and laughing.

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Mar 4, 2023·edited Mar 4, 2023Liked by Alicia Kenworthy

One thing I enjoy about being male is the understatedness of male bonding, which is sometimes described by women as though it's proof of our lack of emotional intelligence. For example, last week I wanted to cross the road and a bus driver stopped for me. I looked at him and nodded, and he nodded back. The exchange would have been imperceptible to an onlooker. Sometimes when a man in a film or on tv puts his hand on a friend's shoulder by way of solace, I comment (half jokingly)that such an exuberant display of emotion is rather more than is strictly necessary.

I realise that these are not examples of friendship as such, but I do think they exemplify the fact that connection can be meaningful without being "in your face", so to speak.

As for older men being friends with younger women, it doesn't have to be exploitative, a designation that seems to me to be insulting to both parties (not all men are sex maniacs, well, not all the time at least, and not all women lack agency).

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Your “ plump fruit” and tomato image brings first to thought a completely unrelated childhood display of mine: stuffing ripe tomatoes picked from the garden and shoving them into my kiddie polka dot bikini top while singing Bennie And The Jets into a flowing garden hose poised in the center of a kiddie pool, loudly. I would rock out in the backyard all day.

Growing up with mostly male relatives my age, I have a good lens upon male bonding and generally felt comfortable with male platonic friends. My best friend in high school was a gent about 2 years older who dated every, and I mean every, female friend of mine until he finally married one. His brother was a hair stylist and we were the two most well groomed of our social circle taking two hours minimum to dress, not leaving without freshly ironed garments. No one would wait for us, so we were sentenced to arrive together then meet with our impatient dates. I had a brotherly gentleman BFF throughout my high school years and into the start of college. He even set me up with with one of his friends, which fizzled faster than a firecracker in the rain, when my first beau and I split after 4 years when he left for college (we were introduced in 8th grade). My BFF was protective.

No one born after my first period is my comedic, yet true, dating guideline. In truth, most gents who inquire non platonic are typically a decade my younger, often more. I don’t know why. Too much younger or too much older just doesn’t seem to hold my interest. It’s a me thing, though love is love and it works for someone, great! I befriended a woman with an LTR 20 years her younger, rock solid. I know if I don’t get a strong initial feeling, finding myself struggling to manage it, a fizzle is fast. More for the fire, I’m not the grow-to-love-me-in-time type. Rare blaze required! I’ve learned through experience of what lasts in my heart. Aside from my first beau, my longest dating run was with someone 5 years my younger, though there were other issues declining it. I do recall, he was always a bit concerned I would cheat on him when he traveled, though I would never do that, ever, to anyone, and have not. I’m Italian level loyal. It was gents closer to my age or a little older who seem to shake him a bit, though I was always respectful enough to resolve his thought rather than let him steep in uncertainty. Still, not my match. I’m more difficult to pair than two gay lion tamers! (Referencing Craig Furgeson comedy, as noted in my recent post)

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